The good news is now that Aidan has what Becca has, she can now hold him which she hasn’t been able to do since Sunday for fear of getting Aidan sick.  So momma and baby are comforting each other.

The pictures above are Aidan from last week that we thought were cute.

Let me back up a bit though.

Saturday night, my parents had called to say that their car had broken down.  They needed someone to come and get them and take them home.  Now if you know my family, you also know that my dad has AIDS and with that a weakened immune system.  So staying out of cold nasty weather in the middle of flu season is a good idea.  Becca was working on Saturday so she wasn’t with me when I picked them up and took them home.  I drove back and picked Becca up when she got off and scheduled to meet my parents Sunday afternoon to drive my dad around to fix their car so my mom could get to work on Monday.  It was an easy fix and would only take about an hour or two, half of which was going to be going to get parts.  That night Becca started feeling terrible just before bed.

She felt better Sunday morning so we thought we’d head to church.

Little side note here is that this is when I am informed that all my sites are down and I have to call my webhost and get them all back up.  Stupid little database issue.  It gets fixed and we think we are going to be late to church.

There’s a new church that I went to last week and really liked.  I wanted her to come yesterday.  Since she was feeling better with some rest, she went.  Of course, we completely forgot about the time change.  We showed up, asked where the children’s workers are and was told that we forgot about the time change.  So, we went and got the breakfast that we had skipped because we thought we were going to be late.

The service was good.  A passage from the beatitudes about the righteous inheriting the earth.  We then drove with Aidan out to my parent’s house.  Of course with my dad’s weakened immune system him and my mom decided that it would be best if Becca did not ride in the same car with him and her staying at their place probably wouldn’t be a good option.  It was decided that Becca should be taken home with Aidan and they could both take a nap.  Becca was starting to feel worse at this point.  Not too terrible.  Just sick like any other cold.

It gets worse from here.

I drive back to my parents house, pick up my dad and go find his tools at their house here in town.  (yeah, they have two places, one they live at and the other they use for storage at the moment)  We go back take the part of the car and head to the parts store.  At this point Becca calls me.

“My temperature is 103, I called R&T (some friends of ours) they are coming over to get me and take me to the hospital.”

I love my wife.  Sometimes, though she does things without a whole lot of warning though.  My first thought was “why didn’t she call me?  I’m close.  I can take her.”  Then I realize she thought the whole thing through already.  If I take her, what do I do with my dad who is stranded?  I could take him with me while I take Becca to the hospital, but it could kill him.  I could take him back out to his place and tell him to wait another day on the car, but I would be another hour doing all that running around since my parents live a bit further away.  See, I love her partly for this reason.  She thinks things through then comes to a conclusion and lets me know the end result of her whole process.  Many times I am tempted to get upset because I wasn’t a part of the whole process but when I think about it I usually come to the same conclusion she did, just after the fact.

So, in short without consulting me, she came to the best conclusion.  Call friends, finish up with your dad, meet me later.

T takes Becca to the hospital.  R comes over and watches their three kids and Aidan in our home.  I meet Becca at the hospital to check in on her while she sits in the waiting room, then I drive my dad back to the car where he finishes up there.  An hour has gone by.  Becca calls me.

“The lady who came in after me who has the same symptoms… they told her it would be four hours.  They also told her that they have an urgent care facility about twenty-three miles away that has no wait and are equipped to treat flu-like symptoms.  They close at six.  It’s five-fifteen now.  R&T have offered to drive me up there.”

“My dad and I are finishing up here.  I am on my way.”

“I don’t think we have time if we are going to make it before six.  R&T said we have to go now.”

“I am on my way.  I’ll be there in five minutes or less”

“I don’t think we have time.  Meet us at the hospital.”

“I’ll take you.  I’ll be there…. or just go, I’ll catch up.”

Racing a Train.

I turn to my dad, ask him if he is good.  He is.  I jump in the truck and head home.  Albeit a little quicker (except for those stupid speed camera traps).  Halfway home I have to cross railroad tracks.  A train is coming.  Oh great!  Just what I need.  To sit at a signal and wait.  I see the train.  I see the lights.  I also had friends when I was in youth group who died of a car-train collision.  The train is far enough away by the time I get to the tracks.  Of course I sped up upon seeing the train.  (what would you do?)

You know trains look further away when you are both heading for the same intersection.  It was a slow train, I will say that.  When I got to the tracks it was about 1/10 of a mile away.  There were no crossing bars across the road, just lights.  Still scared me though as I crossed the tracks a little faster than normal.  I think I scared the train driver more cause he laid into the whistle like a banshee.  Under normal circumstances I would not have crossed the tracks.  The mere prospect scares me.  I stop if I see lights a mile away usually.  In short, don’t do it even though I did.

That was the fastest I’ve driven in awhile when I pulled into our parking lot at five-twenty-five.

Everyone was piling into R&T’s van when I pulled up.  Four kids, two of which were under 10 months old.  I get quick directions.  Becca jumps in.  They tell us that they will take Aidan home with them, while I take Becca to Urgent Care.  I try to keep my speed at only a-little faster-than-normal speeds up to the urgent care facility.

We make it at five-forty-five or so.  They were still open.  No wait, just as promised.  Becca feels horrible.  (But to me she looks as beautiful as ever.. ‘cept paler)

Influenza A.

Okay, so that little section heading says it.  Regular seasonal flu.  Still nasty.  Still contagious.  Still could be really bad for someone with a really weak immune system.  Treatable.  Prescription prescribed.  We leave.  I take Becca home. I drop of the prescription.  I go get Aidan from R&T’s house.  He is sleepy.  I stop and get pizza as both Becca and I are hungry.  I pick up the prescription.  I make it home.  Becca is in bed.  I put Aidan to bed.  I am exhausted.  I call my friend in Arizona, M who I don’t really tell the whole story to because I don’t want to unload on him randomly (even though he is more than okay with it and I know it).  He proceeds to tell me how something I said the other day really helped him.  Of all the times I needed to hear that, it was then.

Other Contagions

I am truly blessed with friends.  I may not have a whole bunch of really close friends in life, but I have a select few and they are good ones.  R&T who come over take my wife to the hospital, watch Aidan on a whim and we can trust them with him are amazing people.  I don’t usually say too much about how good a friend someone is because it sounds hollow just saying it.  People always feel like they have to respond with “oh’ it’s no big deal”  or “that’s what friends do”.  Maybe a card is a better way to go for me or maybe it’s one of the many reasons I am writing this post.  This is one of the few places where I feel I can be myself and think through what I have to say before saying it because the rest of the time  even though I speak from the heart.  But when I do, the words feel rushed and inadequate to what I really want to express.  M in Arizona, I’ve never met in person.  We actually met on Halo 3 a few months ago.  Somehow over the distance and through some silly online game that we both play we have become good friends.  Our wives get on and play with us sometimes as well as M’s kids.  He’s been a great encouragement to me, sent me jobs he’s found that could fit what I am looking for.  R,T & M.  Thank you for your help, your encouragement and just being there somehow for us yesterday.  It may not have seemed like much, but it helped me get though the day.  It is friends like these that make me want to be a better friend myself.  This is one contagion I want to spread.

I am truly blessed with my family.  I love my wife. I love my son.  I love my dogs.  Becca does her best to provide for our family while I’ve been hunting for a position, working from home on websites, and being a daddy to Aidan.  With a wonderful family like this, one can’t help but feel that there is something more they can do.  Right now, I’ve been hunting all over the country for ministry jobs and nothing has opened up.  Becca has a really decent paying job and she is good at it and it’s close to home.  We don’t want to relinquish this time with Aidan to a daycare, so I stay home.  Sometimes I feel guilty about it, more often than not, because I want Becca to be able to stay at home with Aidan and come home to her.  I know that
is something she wants as well.  I think that makes it hard.  If there is one thing I would wish on anyone, if I could do one thing for someone it is this, to give them a family that loves them.  This is another contagion that I would infect people with.

I am truly blessed with my faith.  I think it sounds haughty if I say it that way, but there are days I couldn’t get though without God.  After all, he’s the one who gave me this beautiful family and these good friends.  I struggle a lot with my faith though.  Not in the sense that I wonder if I have faith, but in the sense of learning to trust God.  I think it became more real yesterday than it has in awhile.  I don’t think I would have raced that train if I really had a perfect trust in God.  I would have just said “thy will be done” to God and waited for the train to pass…. maybe.  See there’s an issue with that scenario too.  We have an extraordinary God who sometimes calls us to extraordinary measures.  No, maybe I didn’t feel like God told me to come within a tenth of a mile of being hit by a train.  Then again, maybe he wanted me to see something about myself.

If I would jump in front of a moving train to merely get my wife to a doctor sooner with a sickness that isn’t too terribly life-threatening, go out of my way to help my dad and out of my way to prevent him from getting sick from the same sickness, then there are a lot of people out there who still need to have someone love them enough to simply tell them the good news that Jesus Christ died on a Roman cross 2000 years ago as a sacrifice for our sins so that we could have life that no one could take away.  Without, the wages of sin is death.  As followers of Christ, this is our calling.  Save those who would die from death, and present them with not only life, but introduce them to the author of life.  What is a person worth?  Maybe this contagion is love.  I hope you catch it.

Put the puppy in the kennel.  Spank the other dog.  Feed and change the baby, then put him in the playpen.  Put dinner in the crock pot.  Do a load of dishes.  It’s been stressful.  I’m not complaining about that though.  Being a stay at home parent is tough.  It’s probably one of the hardest jobs there is, but at times it is stressful just like every other job on the planet that I know of.

So what do you do with stress wherever you are?  I find that putting on music helps.  For me, headphones and my ipod plus streaming pandora (www.pandora.com) is one of the best ways to stay productive and relaxed under stress.  What works for you?

I am one of those people where affirmation is my drug of choice.  I am addicted.  I am as Michael Card says “an affirmation junkie”.  If someone notices something I do or they compliment me in some way, I will often work day and night to please them.  The problem with realizing this is that you have to live it everyday continually realizing it and most often, I just don’t.  It slips my mind and I worry about how I can succeed in small endeavors pleasing people that really don’t matter while great big huge things go undone.  Sure, if I have a plan and put my mind to something, I usually succeed.  Often, though along the way I get depressed, feel lonely or plain foolish trying to make something work when I don’t have that affirmation.

So, as an affirmation junkie who is coming to terms with it himself, I thought I’d write a small five step how to live with AJS (Affirmation Junkie Syndrome) guide for the average affirmation junkie.

1. You cannot, will not, and could never hope to please everyone.

There is no way around it.  If you try, you’ll end up trying to be a chameleon socially, just another wallflower going with the flow, jumping on the bandwagon, whatever metaphor you want to use.  In this scenario, you ultimately give up your values and suffer silently while you see yourself and those you love destroyed while you run yourself to death trying to cater to them all.  Here you are just a puppet of the one who makes the loudest noise.  Don’t play that game because there will always be a louder voice.  Fame, wealth, a needy friend, even yourself at times will be enough to derail you.  Any strong wind will blow you where it will.

2. It’s not how many you please, it’s who you seek to please.

Obviously, the one with the loudest voice is not always right.  In secular culture, they would say “look out for number one”, but I have found that pleasing myself while it has it’s advantages just leaves me empty when I am through.  Since I believe in God and His Son who died to save me, scripture then tells me what I must do in Hebrews 11:6

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Faith in this respect is just that, to seek God earnestly believing He does want a relationship with you.  Seeking God is more than just opening up the Bible or going to church, it’s seeking a relationship with Him, trying to be like Him.  Study, devotionals, prayer, worship and servant-hood all have their places here.  If you were to try to get to know your next door neighbor how would you go about it?  With God it’s that simple too except He already knows you.

3. Priorities matter.

This fits hand in hand with the last two but I already named my first priority.  For me, God comes before family.  Family before ministry/calling.  Then everything else.  Here they all go together like an intricate puzzle where certain things have to be done first to make the rest of it fit together.  But if you are struggling with the first two statements, analyze priorities.  In your life, what comes first?  If you are still frustrated, here is where the battle takes place.  If you are an artist, you may have put your calling before your family.  Your family is maybe suffering if that is the case.  I’ve known many musicians who crave praise from those they perform for only to fail on the home front or with their friends.  I’ve known friends who craved just to be accepted by others but alienated their own family for the sake of that acceptance.  Priorities are the anchors in the seas of life.

4.  Simplify.

This is a hard issue.  Not because it is so hard to do, but because the affirmation junkie has too many projects they are undertaking for too many people.  They are jacks of all trades with a heart for serving and a world of people needing them to help them personally.  They are saving aluminum cans for a friend so they can cash them in, repairing the neighbor kid’s bike, lending money that should go to pay bills to acquaintances, and designing websites pro-bono for the local coffee shop while they scrape together money for their own coffee fix.  They are running everywhere and not getting anywhere.  They are undertaking projects that ultimately have no end in sight.  Ultimately, this will drive you to exhaustion.  You will succeed only in having people use you for nothing then spit you out when they are done with you.  See, while some of these are worthy pursuits, all of them at any one time will frustrate you and drive you to insanity.  Pick only one or two, and make known and end date for the altruistic behavior that you get caught up in so easily.  Altruism is not necessarily bad but limit yourself to what you can do and do well without killing yourself in the process. “No” is a powerful word.

5. Realize your own worth.

It’s easy to be taken for granted if you don’t think you are worth anything.  Affirmation junkies fall prey because they often put their own self worth on what other people think of them.  Well, surround yourself with a family that really loves you and you will still seek it from more than them.  They call it “junkie” for a reason.  These family and friends, people who love you really are enough.  You don’t need to do a bunch of things to seek the attention from people who after you do something for them, just want more from you.  Follow rule number four and only take on what you can do within your limits.  Be accountable to your family.  Tell them you need them to help you define whether this new project is beyond your means emotionally to deal with.  If they say no, then honor them by not taking it on, and be affirmed that way. 

There are probably a few more things that I could add but if you are battling “affirmation junkie” syndrome, then this will be enough to change your life from dealing with the associated burnout too common with people like me who have this as part of their own personality.  I am personally working on these myself, but if this helps you, let me know by commenting or affirming me through stumbling or linking to this post.

I recently purchased an ipod touch.  You’ve seen some of the drawings around here that I’ve done with the “brushes” app.  I recently found a little free application called “lose it!” and I am actually pretty excited about it.

I’ve heard how so many people have lost weight by cutting calories.  I am just not one of those kinds of people that want to go hunting for the “nutrition facts” label on everything  just to write it down in a little journal that I have to keep on my person at all times.  Basically, I thought a lot of why I was putting on the weight was trying to make a living in front of a computer.

When I was working as an associate pastor at a local church, I spent 16+ hours each week working on a powerpoint/presentation for them.  Finding graphics, putting it all together, adding the songs, then editing videos and uploading it all to the web for Sunday presentation took up a lot of time.  On top of that I blogged professionally and did freelance web design on the side. Basically, my whole day was in front of the computer.

This wasn’t so much the problem though.  It sure didn’t help, but it turns out that it isn’t the main issue.

During all of this, I continued to eat like I did back in college.  Pizza, Little Ceasers, Mt. Dew, Taco Bell, and the dollar menu at McDonald’s were frequent meals.  I would guess that I was eating twice my recommended caloric intake each day, if not more.

Over the last few days, I have instituted the “lose it!” app into my life.  My first day using it, Friday, I was 844 calories over my daily budget of calories and I was still hungry according to my brain.  I had downloaded the application on Friday night and input the days meals after the fact.

Saturday, I cut back and watched what I ate, entering it all into the application and ended 545 under my daily budget of calories.  On Sunday, I ended the week with 238 calories over for the course of three days because of the Friday surplus.

The little screenshot above tells you how I ended yesterday.  1257 under my daily budget of calories.  I was estatic with myself for being able to manage it.  The best part was I wasn’t even hungry.  Now, after three days of actually eating right, I feel more energy already and have been doing more things with Aidan (my six month old son) too.

Last night we went grocery shopping.  I was actually pretty excited about looking at the nutrition facts on foods that I normally eat and being more disgusted with the way I managed my diet in the past.  I may not have lost all the weight I want to lose just yet, but I feel better knowing that I am working on it.  So here I am four days later, sipping my zero calorie cola (the ones I think taste disgusting) and thinking, “this isn’t so bad”  at least I can still have a can of pop and not feel guilty about it.

If you have an ipod touch or an iphone, check out the Lose It! application.