Tag Archive: Blogging

No Molds Barred.

bearNot that stuff from the refrigerator that’s been in there since thanksgiving….last year.  The kind of mold you can be cast into.  A Caste System of a sort.  Kinda.

So I’ve given up any real kind of tagline and decided to just make it a byline.  See, then I can really write about what is going on with me and this struggle between Faith, life, Art, playing tug-o-war with my puppy, and family life.  Truth is (according to my wife) I’m a huge teddy bear with a lot of different interests.  Anyway, knowing my deep dark secret that that is, my kryptonite, hopefully my posts will be more regular and meaningful from here on out.

maybe…

that or I just like to change my identity every now and then to keep you on your toes.

About Me.

William is one of those guys that strikes you as somewhat crazy just beneath the surface.  Right now, it’s breaching that surface through his hair, but overall there seems to be a drive behind his actions that point to a motive, a purpose for being – but he struggles about what that really is.

I’ve known William for most of my life.  In those early years he was generally a mild-mannered kid with a temper that could boil over unexpectedly.  There was a daredevil streak in him too.  I remember him riding his bike off of a four foot porch when he was about 12 over at his grandmother’s house.  He hurt himself on that one.

I think something happened when he was about 13 though.  There was a summer that he really didn’t talk with anyone outside of his youth group at church, and even there he was a bit quiet.  Whatever the experience was, he was different afterward.  When he was in high school, he sorta let a lot of his personality really come out through new mediums.  His artwork & poetry became a standard method of expression for him.  His temper subsided to an acceptable range that only would emerge once provoked.  He carried a little gray book around with him that he would draw in or write poetry in.

I remember he published some of his poetry in the school paper, “The Compendium”.  There was a bit of a darker side of him that would come out in the poetry.  More of a mix between Edger Allen Poe and William Blake if I say so myself.  The wording and rhythm of Poe with the spiritual insight of Blake.

College provided to be a necessary evil for William.  He loved knowledge, just not formal ways of learning.  He knew God had called him to the ministry.  There was no doubt in his mind or heart about that.  Unfortunately, he also fell in love while in college for the first time.  The relationship lasted through Senior year, having been married in the junior year of his and her college career.  It ended unhappily.  William suspected an emotional and possibly physical adultery had taken place on her part with what had been a close friend in college.  William’s anger probably boiled over a bit then too, but knowing him, it was probably directed more at himself than anyone.  He finished his senior year without attending any classes in person and working with each professor over the phone to finish up the required credits to graduate.  For the first time in his college career, he also made the Dean’s list.  The judge declared the marriage final in July of that year.

With a broken heart and a college degree, there was a huge void in place.  William had been working as Part-time youth minister in Columbus, but since the dissolution had been being pressured by the Christian Education director in various ways to leave the church.  He resigned.  Later, it came out that the Christian Education Director was having an affair with the administrative assistant.  William saw it as a sign that he had made a correct choice in leaving when he did.

God soon opened the door for a new position in a local church in William’s hometown.  There was a promise of working primarily with the youth of that church eventually, but it never came to fruition.  Other gifts in ministry relating to design, computer work and small group ministry became more apparent, but overwhelming at the same time.  During this time, he also met Rebecca.  From the very beginning, they were friends and eventually lovers.  For the first time in William’s life, he felt as if all the peices were coming together, that God’s plan for him was being fulfilled.  Rebecca brought out in William the best of his personality traits and love for God, and a love for doing God’s work flared up in him.

Working with the leaders of that church, he felt fulfilled, but also felt a bit uneasy.  He was young and inexperienced in their eyes and they let him know how they felt.  Administrative tasks bogged him down by taking up time that would have been better spent in personal devotions and preparation for small group ministries he was already leading.  Church finances had taken a turn for the worse, and some blamed their predicament on hiring William in the first place.  William worked occasional part-time jobs to make ends meet.  William’s salary was cut and never fully restored.  He took to working for a blogging company online in his spare time, at which he excelled till the company made some cutbacks and his position was cut.

For the last three years out of five, William was the go to person for the church website, the powerpoint on Sunday mornings, worked with the youth group as an adult leader and managed the audio and visual setup of the church and handled all calendaring details for the church.  With all the very different aspects of what he was doing as well as serving on the Leadership team (which had taken to meeting in four hour segments each week) it was taking a toll on his health, and straining personal relationships in his life.  It was time to move on after five years there.  It was apparent that William’s first foray into full-time ministry had scarred him with burn-out and emotional wounds.

Rebecca had maintained her constant love and affection for William during this time.  Often I believe, feeling neglected for all the things her husband was trying to accomplish.  But as a Pastor’s kid herself growing up, she understood and took extra jobs when she could to supplement the household income. She recently became pregnant and gave birth to their first child, Aidan Wesley Alan Lehman. Currently, William is working at Olan Mills as a Studio Photographer trying to cope with the winter hours, and taking some time with his family, and they have transitioned to the church William grew up in.  He is currently teaching Sunday School for young Adults on Sunday morning, and looking forward to working with the creative team later this month.  Rebecca is writing a new website called Motherhood for Dummies and enjoying being a stay-at-home mom at the moment.  I love her more than ever and look forward to celebrating our four years of marriage on Feb 19th, here in a couple of weeks.

PS. I never really intended to write all of this, but the more I wrote, the more I felt that there were things here that needed to be gotten out of my system.  I wrote it in the objective third person only because I know that if I had written it from my own first hand account, it may have been a little harder to hit the “publish” button and make it all public.

Foundational Repression

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Perpetual Life Waiting to Happen

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Be Yourself.

uniqueI try to write pretty frequently around here.  I have experiemented with decloned being an art blog, a Christian forum, a photography site, and even a personal blog.

Truth is, I don’t know what it is.  It’s like some kind of extension of who I am.  If I seem have a complicated existence, the site has a complicated look.  If I am into art, the site is suddenly an art blog.  I draw a comic and it’s a comic blog.

I don’t want to narrow it down to just being a personal blog, because I think it’s too narrowly defined.  Rather I think decloned is about people who are fed up with trying to fit into the mold that culture wants to make for us.  We are tired of being  the sold out slaves to culture, and long to be ourselves, our true selves.

On the way to the hospital / sites are back up.

Well, last night I was doing some playing around with some of my domains, I must have accidentally reset all my domain nameservers back to godaddy.  I’m not sure how that can happen actually.  I pretty careful with things like that.  Who knows?  Thanks very much to Jeremy Abbott who twittered me to let me know they were pointing the wrong direction.  Lesson learned – Don’t do site maintenance at 3am.

Also, we are on the way to the hospital for my wife to give birth this morning, so I’m a bit excited at the moment.

My next post is going to be when we have a little one.

back-to-artSince I stopped writing my old blog, Artist Hideout, I’ve been a bit reluctant to continue writing about Art and Artists.  Mainly because I didn’t feel there was as much place to write about it on my personal blog, decloned.  The identity of the blog has suffered for this, but it’s been because of my own identity issues that this has been the case.

While, I will still bring my own views on the purpose and reasoning of art into my writing, I am coming back to Art as the main focus.  “Faith, Life & everything else” are issues I will deal with as they relate to Art.  They are certainly part of my life.

To celebrate this about-face and refocusing, I’ve purchased a new theme and reinstated ads in better locations that don’t interfere with reading and interaction of the site.  If you’ve been reading all old posts and wondering if I’ll ever talk about Art again, thanks for hanging in there for my lapse over the last year or so.

rethemed… again.

sealSo, I’ve really decided to go with a new theme yet again.  If you’ve been by in the last few days, you may have noticed it was changing.

I’ve decided to brand my site a little bit differently, well actually branding it instead of just random things I pick up.  It’s a huge change in my philosophy and probably one that’s taken some time coming.

I hope you like the new look/direction and come back often.

Merry Christmas!! You’re Invited!

merry-christmas.png I’ve decided to start giving Christmas Gifts early. I’ve also clarified the purpose of decloned a bit with a new tagline.

Part of it is an experiment that I hope you join in on, part of it is just sheer curiosity about what you would write here at decloned.

Yep, I have officially decided to open up the floor and let you guest post here too.  Posts will be moderated lightly of course, but I am eager to have you join me.  Please be patient with me as you submit posts, initially it may take me awhile to get to them for approval.

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Private/Public Journaling & Blogging

writing

I’ve been blogging and writing online for awhile now, but recently I’ve started journaling on a personal level.  I’ve come to a few realizations about my own writing.  If it’s public, I tend to worry a lot about how I present myself.  Like stage fright for a blogger.  Anxiety overtakes me, I start thinking that I may just say something wrong or something that I’ll have to backtrack on later. As a result, I really don’t tend to stir up a lot of controversy in my public blogging.

When I write in my personal journal, it’s usually a bit more edgy.  I tend to spell things out without regard for feelings, ideas or individuals involved.  I would imagine if I started posting my personal journal entries, I’d probably get a lot more people fighting/agreeing/or encouraging me in the comment fields.

I’ve recently decided that I want to try bridging this gap. For me there seems to be some sort of division in my heart when I write one thing here, but personally I worry and fret and spill it all out in my private journal.  While a certain amount of restraint for actual names and places may need to be manifested, there is no reason whatsoever that I can’t really share what’s going on with me even on an internal level publicly. I’d probably feel a lot better for it too.